Since I last blogged on this platform, many moons ago, a lot has happened. First of all, in November 2011, I was diagnosed with cancer for the third time, not lymphoma on this occasion, but breast cancer brought on from the radiotherapy I had had for the first lot of lymphoma 18 years previously! (You can read of my past cancer encounters here , here and here). The upshot of this diagnosis was a cycle of biopsies, MRIs, CT scans, and 3 operations (2 minor and one very major operation), followed by 5 years of anti-cancer treatment. I recall sitting in my hospital room, recovering from my double mastectomy and reconstruction in June 2012, with tubes coming out of me all over the place, and thinking life is too short and precious for regrets – so why have them? I had always regretted shelving English for nursing when I left school, and I knew that returning to nursing after my treatment would not happen. So what better way to survive five years of treatment than to study for a new degree, and work towards a new career?
This is a long story, so I will keep it short. I enrolled with the Open University and undertook two undergraduate English literature modules (one Year 2 level, and the other at Final Year level) – I may have written about them before in this blog. I passed both of these with Distinctions – you have no idea just how proud and amazed I was to do this! My treatment gave me the condition known as Tamoxifen Fog which made concentrating, writing essays, and exam revision very, very hard. Sometimes I felt like
my head was filled with cotton wool, and could barely think, let alone read. Couple this up with never-ending nausea (which made me lose so much weight that I ended up a UK size 4 at one stage), I was a mess. Thank goodness the OU modules were online, as I would have been in no physical or mental state to get to a brick University! So to get such high module results was a HUGE source of pleasure. (I had made a conscious decision NOT to tell the OU of my situation, as I wanted to challenge myself to do these courses on my own steam – and indeed my Master’s – without any extensions on my essays, or to be treated any differently from my course-mates). Because I was feeling so lousy and ‘spent’ all of the time, my blogging just stopped.
With my history, I was keen to get on and study for a Master’s degree – hanging about was not an option. I asked the Open University for their advice, and they said that as I already had a 2.1 undergrad degree (albeit in nursing) and two Distinctions in my English modules (which would have got me a First Class Honours if I had completed studying at Undergrad level) then I would be permitted to enrol onto their Master of Arts in English degree. By this stage, I was halfway through my treatment and I figured that, with the OU’s Master’s following a part-time schedule, I would finish my degree roughly about the same time as I was due to finish my treatment. So, rather scared, I signed up for it. In March 2016, I found out that I had passed the first part of my Master’s with Distinction; again, a huge source of pride and elation. My treatment was going well, there was no sign of any recurring disease, and I’d nailed Part 1 of my MA and earned myself a sneaky little PG Dip (Hum) at the same time!
After a little break, I started to get organised for Part 2, my Dissertation. I ended up writing this on Charles Dickens, and how he used representations of puppets, waxworks, automata, monsters, and ‘robots’ to convey his attitudes towards mechanisation in society, following the Great Exhibition. I absolutely adored writing this Dissertation, as 
Dickens is my very favourite nineteenth-century author. Again, my treatment was making things tough, as it had done since the beginning, but in the end I pulled through and submitted my work one month early. As it turned out, the last official day of my degree, in January 2017, was also my last day of treatment; that particular evening we had a double celebration! Eight weeks later, I found out that I finally had the permission to put the letters MA after my name…… I had passed my degree! A double victory!
That was not all. After I had submitted my Dissertation, I was at a loss. Suddenly I felt lonely, almost like a good friend had passed away. I don’t have a good social circle in the town where I live, and am not included in any social groups, so – apart from my family – my work was my everything…… and it was no more. Although it was Christmas time and all around me was excitement and anticipation, I felt as if a part of me was missing. I spoke to my hubby about it, and he urged me to apply for a PhD – if I wasn’t accepted then at least I would not regret having tried. To cut a long story short, three days after obtaining my Master’s degree results, I learned that academically I had met the entry requirements, and my Research Proposal was of high enough a standard for Edinburgh University to give me an unconditional place on their PhD in English Literature degree programme. This was literally a dream fulfilled: my dream university and my dream degree! (Yes, I certainly felt like I was dreaming!).
I am now just over one month into my PhD and, although progress is very s-l-o-w, my supervisor has helped me narrow down my research area enough so that I can start more focussed reading. I chose to change from nineteenth-century literature to twentieth-century to widen my knowledge base, as I am wanting to remain in academia when I eventually finish. I am studying for my doctorate part-time partly because of
family commitments, partly because I am still recovering from Tamoxifen fog (which has vastly improved since January!), and partly because I am almost twice the age of my doctoral colleagues! I am involved in peer-reviewing and blogging for Uni magazines/sites, I’m a PhD reader for the Uni’s literary prize, and am about to set up a Twentieth Century Research Group with one of my colleagues. Life is really busy but is totally great, and is worth all of the horrid, painful, and depressing days that my treatment gave me.
Blogging for the Uni (whose blog can be found here) made me miss my own blog, so I have decided to raise it from the ashes, like a phoenix. I have decided to give it a literary base, so most of my blogs will be related to books I have read, literary places I have visited, or PhD- related things. There may be the odd random blog too, I daresay! I will endeavour to update it as much as I can, and they won’t be as long as this, you’ll be glad to know.
June's Jottings 